In spiritual direction, we recognize that our souls unfold, at times blurry, and, at other times in focus. We explore ways to give light to life-affirming moments, sometimes illuminating the soul and sometimes answering our yearnings for clarity, meaning and purpose in life. As we focus and refocus our light, an illuminating process unfolds that actually reminds me of visiting Monet’s Garden in Giverny, France. I had always found such beauty in Monet’s painting, especially his late-in-life paintings where the colors merged into a beautiful whole due to his fading eyesight.
When I visited Giverny, I immersed myself in the reality of how the blue skies illuminated dancing rows of wild-looking, as well as carefully nurtured and cultivated flowers. Surprisingly the flowers and vines were planted mostly in straight lines, showcasing their brilliance to the path walker. This was in direct contrast to my vision of the romantic blurring of details that I saw in Monet’s paintings. This inspired me to think about how we might see our lives as a romantic blurring, yet, upon intentional exploration, we might find deeper patterns and meanings that were otherwise occluded by a more distant view.
Rather than paintings of perfectly placed dabs of paint on a canvas, I was able to experience another layer to Monet’s world when I walked the house and garden in person. Who knew? My surprise that there were also delicate stamens visible in the inner realms of a flower and variegated leaves distinctly proclaimed their glory alongside the expected beautiful and distinctive flowers of Monet’s art gave me such joy! I felt as though I had a secret glimpse at what lay beneath the colorful, expansive Monet paintings that I adored.
Beautiful as Monet paintings are to me, I was yearning to go to Giverny to see for myself what he saw. My curiosity led me to his home and I was inspired by the beauty that surrounded him and his family. What lay beneath his carefully placed layers of paint was breathtaking!
I realized that at Giverny, I was feeding a yearning. My curious yearnings were to see the natural and organic beauty underlying Monet’s gifts. I wondered if his artistry was, like my budding exploration of the soul, a deeper expression of what’s tangible. Perhaps he was impressing distant memories of ancestral lines and childhood memories into his spectacular paintings and I was learning to impress my own familial and cultural imprint more intentionally into my life. Rather than being embedded, we were both bringing our full lives into view, even if not in words or conscious understanding.
This opportunity to bring light and attention to familiar, but blurred scenes, is creating a deeper reality for me. Just as the blurred lines arose from Monet’s fading eyesight, my life had become hectic and unexamined, blurring experiences together so that most were no longer recognizable as memorable anymore. Taking the time to examine my life and bring it more into focus, was like seeing Giverny in real life, versus the impressionist paintings. I could still love the paintings while having a deeper understanding of what brought them to light. I yearned to put my life into focus and understand the layers of my existence, including any inner wisdom that perhaps lay dormant and unexposed to the light. And might this allow me to trust my own outer canvas to reveal the vulnerability underneath, first to myself, and then perhaps to the trusted loved ones in my life?
Back to Monet’s pond–as I was walking across the arched bridge, I felt an unexpected sturdiness to it that held me firmly and didn’t feel ethereal as it did in the painting. Perhaps my inner life, my soul, my connections to the spirit were also stronger than pictured.
And looking out from the bridge was a wildly different view than the paintings of the bridge!
Same pond, yet so much to explore in this serene setting. Like my soul, there are so many ways to reveal its beauty, its memories, its connections. Just as when I looked up from the bridge, and strong branches were distinctly haloed in sunlight. Blue skies were reflected in the pond in a large open clearing just beyond the water lilies whose distinctive sprouts of white lotus blooms were missed but once blended into one gentle whole that filled my visual frame. Bamboo (yes, bamboo!) came alive as incredibly tiny leaves fluttered and hung mightily to their tethers. And the water, the still green water, was now reflecting a Monet-like beauty of blurred trees and flowers, reminding me of the capacity for beauty both on the surface and through a completely different lens of microscopic inspection.
Bringing light to our souls can reveal a beautiful inner landscape, and one that is clearer and ready to be experienced as real and distinct, connected and meaningful. We can find out more about who we are, what we believe and what we aspire to be.
At the same time, one can yearn for more than beauty in delicate landscapes. Seekers who bravely enter the realm of the soul may discover that light unearths challenges otherwise unknown, or experiences vaguely cloaked in masks and costumes. Will these dramas become clearer? Will unmasking or removing our protective cloaks allow us a vulnerability that offers insights into our fears, grief, and shame? Will knowing ourselves and connecting to whatever we find to be greater than ourselves give us heartbreak before leading us to joy?
In spiritual direction, companionship helps to prepare the way to break through persona, whisks away egos that cloud an inner view, and sits with you in awe of your connection to the universe. Light will surely be there to illuminate the beauty as well as the depths of truth. Opening the door, even a crack, to this light that you are, can bring your life purpose, deep meaning, and great joy into view.
I look forward to the honor of companioning you on your own spiritual journey, wherever the light might take you.
My curiosity for Monet and his day-to-day living was likely further inspired by the book and movie, Linnea in Monet’s Garden.
